Zaidle the Redneck

KHemphill · #1 10-19-09, 06:08 PM

After reading Zaidle's ramblings - 'Heard Around the House' - in the November 2009 issue of TF&G, I am compelled to disagree.

To preface, I also hear somewhat strange comments, mostly in my office. A friend once asked about a hole in a metal switch cover by my desk. The hole is about 38 caliber. I sheepishly told him, "That's an atlatl dart hole." Which it was, and still is, because I haven't replaced the switch cover.

I had just bought an atlatl and a dart for it, which I planned to use solely for decoration in my office. My son came in and asked how it worked. I was showing him, and pointed out that I could probably shoot it through my open office door and hit a box that was sitting near a bathroom door in the back part of the building. He said he didn't think I could do it.

As it turns out, I couldn't. But I think the dart was crooked.

My office, like the average home (according to Zaidle) contains animal skulls, bows, guns, arrows, powder horns, lanterns, a crosscut saw, a wooden drone propeller, an antique Underwood portable typewriter, a shoulder mounted Ibex, a similar Corsican ram, a gun safe, a reloading setup, several bibles, a mounted redfish, various canoe paddles, some duck butts (mounted to the ceiling) more guns, a wicker fish creel, a minnow bucket, a radio controlled jeep, and lots of other stuff.

I even once shot a coon and a pig from the outdoor shower at my house while barefoot all the way to my chin, while my wife held a light for me, similarly attired. That's the best outdoor story I've ever come across, but my wife won't let me write about it.

So I don't disagree with Zaidle about the 'utterances and circumstances' in his column depicting 'self-reliance and good country living' except for one thing. That one thing screams 'redneck' far louder than asking friends for roadkilled armadillos, or running over a steel trap in the yard with the lawnmower.

I have never, not once, mounted a toilet in a tree for use as a bowstand, even just a photographic one. And the good Lord willing, knock on wood, I never will.

If God had intended toilets to be set in trees, He would have made Texas winters milder so the pipes wouldn't freeze.

DZaidle · #2 10-19-09, 07:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KHemphill

After reading Zaidle's ramblings - 'Heard Around the House' - in the November 2009 issue of TF&G, I am compelled to disagree.

To preface, I also hear somewhat strange comments, mostly in my office. A friend once asked about a hole in a metal switch cover by my desk. The hole is about 38 caliber. I sheepishly told him, "That's an atlatl dart hole." Which it was, and still is, because I haven't replaced the switch cover.

I had just bought an atlatl and a dart for it, which I planned to use solely for decoration in my office. My son came in and asked how it worked. I was showing him, and pointed out that I could probably shoot it through my open office door and hit a box that was sitting near a bathroom door in the back part of the building. He said he didn't think I could do it.

As it turns out, I couldn't. But I think the dart was crooked.

My office, like the average home (according to Zaidle) contains animal skulls, bows, guns, arrows, powder horns, lanterns, a crosscut saw, a wooden drone propeller, an antique Underwood portable typewriter, a shoulder mounted Ibex, a similar Corsican ram, a gun safe, a reloading setup, several bibles, a mounted redfish, various canoe paddles, some duck butts (mounted to the ceiling) more guns, a wicker fish creel, a minnow bucket, a radio controlled jeep, and lots of other stuff.

I even once shot a coon and a pig from the outdoor shower at my house while barefoot all the way to my chin, while my wife held a light for me, similarly attired. That's the best outdoor story I've ever come across, but my wife won't let me write about it.

So I don't disagree with Zaidle about the 'utterances and circumstances' in his column depicting 'self-reliance and good country living' except for one thing. That one thing screams 'redneck' far louder than asking friends for roadkilled armadillos, or running over a steel trap in the yard with the lawnmower.

I have never, not once, mounted a toilet in a tree for use as a bowstand, even just a photographic one. And the good Lord willing, knock on wood, I never will.

If God had intended toilets to be set in trees, He would have made Texas winters milder so the pipes wouldn't freeze.

As expected, the green-eyed Hemphill rears its head from the depths of wannabe despair, the juices of over-tart grapes sluicing from its lips.

Zaidle-envy runs rampant.

KHemphill · #3 10-19-09, 08:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DZaidle

As expected, the green-eyed Hemphill rears its head from the depths of wannabe despair, the juices of over-tart grapes sluicing from its lips.

Zaidle-envy runs rampant.

It's the beard. That's what it is.

JIMMYD · #4 10-20-09, 04:15 PM

To know a Redneck is to be one, so I guess I qualify. I worked with Don for two years editing the North Zone Fishing Hotspots and found him to be a really great guy, once I got past that bushy beard of his. If Don auditioned for a part in a epic Biblical movie, he'd be a dead ringer for St. Peter, but that wouldn't work cause Don ain't gonna take off that hat.

Jimmy D. Moore
Former North zone
Hotspots Editor, TFG

DZaidle · #5 10-20-09, 10:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JIMMYD

To know a Redneck is to be one, so I guess I qualify. I worked with Don for two years editing the North Zone Fishing Hotspots and found him to be a really great guy, once I got past that bushy beard of his. If Don auditioned for a part in a epic Biblical movie, he'd be a dead ringer for St. Peter, but that wouldn't work cause Don ain't gonna take off that hat.

Jimmy D. Moore
Former North zone
Hotspots Editor, TFG

A visiting missionary at a church I once attended suggested I was a dead-ringer for St. Paul. The pastor corrected her with, "More like Judas if you ask me."

SLaMascus · #6 01-01-10, 08:44 PM

Saint Paul? Maybe. I figure more like Philip, running alongside the Ethopian's chariot preaching to him.

Can't be Judas. Judas was a liberal.

Redfishon · #7 01-04-10, 06:45 AM

Well about the most Redneck story I got is.. I was once hunting coons in the late 80s' I was about 15 or 16 years old and had a Redtick and a Bluetick hound. We had gottten a few coons my grandmother sold them for the plets. Well we were walking across a 8 acre or so flat. All of a sudden the dogs jumped a ringtail and the chase was on. I wasnt even going to shoot it, but I was following it with the spot light cuase you dont see too many anymore.. Well it did a zig zag run back and forth and the dogs were right on it. It got so close I lost it with the light. I guess it thought I was a tree cuase it came right up my legs. The gun went one way the light the other and the ring tail 10-20 ft straight up as I slung it. This made the ringtail land far enough away that the dogs didnt get it. It was cold and I had a leather jacket on and brush chaps or it would of tore me up. I still wonder to this day if the ambush was planned.

Redfishon · #8 01-04-10, 06:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JIMMYD

To know a Redneck is to be one, so I guess I qualify. I worked with Don for two years editing the North Zone Fishing Hotspots and found him to be a really great guy, once I got past that bushy beard of his. If Don auditioned for a part in a epic Biblical movie, he'd be a dead ringer for St. Peter, but that wouldn't work cause Don ain't gonna take off that hat.

Jimmy D. Moore
Former North zone
Hotspots Editor, TFG

I was thinking good ole St. Nick. He might shoot the reindeer though.LOL